What is a munch?

A munch is a great way to meet people who have an interest in BDSM. They are casual events and mostly held in a public setting, such as a bar or restaurant.

They are vanilla events, meaning they are not a play party or a place to hook up. They are for socializing with people who have similar interests in BDSM or all things kinky. It’s a safe and public place for newbies and those with more experience to meet, talk and learn from each other.

Every munch is run differently, but most have the same common values. Some people are open about their kinky side but most are not. Privacy, discretion, and respect are important to everyone there. Respect how much people are willing to share, do not take pictures, and don’t be rude.

How do I find a munch near me?

FetLife is a great resource. Their EVENTS section lists all the events near your location.  You should RSVP whenever possible to help the coordinator plan for the event.

What do I wear?

Dress for what is appropriate for the venue. Usually something casual and vanilla is fine. Do not wear any fetish clothing.

I don’t know anyone, will people talk to me?

Yes, they will! We all love talking to and meeting new people. Introduce yourself to one person and they’ll introduce you to others. Generally, munches are filled with friendly people.

Everyone there knows each other.

We all feel out of place when trying something new.  The more times you attend the same munch, the more people you will get to know.

What happens if I see someone I know?

From a distance, the munch group looks like any other group of people getting together for dinner and drinks.

I’m new to the lifestyle, are munches for me?

Munches are for anyone who has an interest in BDSM. Whether you’ve been in the lifestyle for years or just woke up this morning thinking you want to explore BDSM. They are a great way to make friends, learn something or maybe find a play partner.

How many people will be there?

It varies, there can be as few as 3 or as many as a few 100. If you’ve found the munch on FetLife, the event page will give you a good idea of how many people will be attending.

Are there things that are inappropriate for a munch?

Again, this is not a play party nor is it a place to hook up.  Do not bring any toys.  Discretion is important.  Be respectful of other people. Do not take pictures.  Do not out anyone.


If you have any questions or concern about a munch you want to attend, contact the person having the event.  Fetlife makes it easy to send a quick message to the person hosting the event.


Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash